


Dirty Paws

by kaiyaknox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:17:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1254265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiyaknox/pseuds/kaiyaknox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Halloween 1981. Sirius Black goes to Godric's Hollow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Paws

**Author's Note:**

> "Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"
> 
> "Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me..."
> 
> \-- J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, page 14)

The greatest part about Halloween was the lack of judgment for trying to be someone else. Every other day of his life, he was judged for wanting and trying to be someone other than he was born to be. But on Halloween, hiding who you were was the norm. Every year, he would dress up as something ridiculous, get a laugh out of everyone, then end up forgetting all about the disguise as the night went on—a few times, he had actually stripped it off and gone near-starkers for the rest of the holiday. 

This Halloween, Sirius Black was dressed simply in a cropped cloak and black mask to cover his eyes, a large white peasant shirt and high-waisted black pants, his long hair loosely curled to his shoulders. It had been Lily’s idea that they all dress as the three musketeers, a story she said was about brotherhood, loyalty. He and Remus had quite enjoyed scouring the muggle Halloween shop for what Lily had described for their costumes, picking up enough items for four young men. The four musketeers—the marauders. 

Because of the state of things in the wizarding world, not to mention the presence of a very young boy—infant boy, in fact—their Halloween celebrations would take place at the Potters’ home and likely involve eating loads of sweets and having some drinks. Sirius couldn’t wait. It had been too long since all of his best friends had been together under one roof. With his own work for the Order, Remus constantly in and out of hiding, Peter doing his own missions and James practically under house arrest, get-togethers were hard to arrange. 

But Halloween was special.

Wand hidden in his shirt sleeve, large bag of sweets stored in a satchel behind him, Sirius landed his large, loud motorbike in a narrow alley Godric’s Hollow. He snatched up the bag of sweets from the satchel and stepped out of the alley, nearly colliding with a few small, disguised bodies. “Wotcher, lads!” he laughed. The trick-or-treating must have started, he realized. He must be late. Still, he made his way casually to his friends’ home. He liked seeing all of the excited kids, hearing the knocks on doors, the shouts of “Trick or treeeeeeat!” It was pure, simple fun. 

Sirius pushed through the Potters’ gate, didn’t hear it _thud_ closed—the front door was open and the lights inside were flickering. Bile rose in his throat. Sweets fell to the ground. Wand slipped into his hand. Crouching low, he slid sideways into the front room. The first and only thing he registered was the still form sprawled awkwardly on the floor. “No…” He was on his knees, crawling, sobbing. “James… James!” He clawed his mask from his face, clutched at his friend’s shirt, shook violently, his own body shaking violently. The hazel eyes of his best friend, his brother were blank, staring. His mouth was open as if he’d been shouting— 

“No!” 

He took the stairs three at a time, colliding with the corridor walls and the doorframe as he threw himself into the wrecked nursery. Most of the room was occupied by a large someone. Wand out, curse ready, he would have killed the person had he not turned around, a small bundle of blankets in his arms. “Merlin! Sirius, don’t!”

“Give him to me, Hagrid.”

“Sirius, yer know I didna—” He was choking around his words, tears and snot clogging him up. His shoulders shook, his massive body trembled. “Sirius, I-I’m so s-s-sorry.” 

Sirius threw his wand down and stared at his hands as if they had suddenly appeared on his body. His eyes shifted to the mess he could see between his fingers, the toys everywhere, the toppled furniture, the red hair spread out on the light green rug. “No,” he whispered. “No, no, no…” On his knees again, crawling again, sobbing still. His hands hovered over her, afraid to touch momentarily before giving in. He stroked her face. Sweet Lily. Her eyes open and staring blankly, just like her husband’s, his best friend’s. His breath caught, came out in short bursts. How could this—no. His breathing stopped altogether. It couldn’t be… 

“Sirius?”

Blinking rapidly, sniffing harshly, he scrubbed his face with his sleeve. He bent over her, kissed her forehead as he gently closed her eyes. His chin trembled. Sweet Lily. “I’ll get him, Lil.”

He got to his feet and swallowed hard. Hagrid was staring at him, crying quieter now, holding Sirius’s wand. “What are you doing here, Hagrid?” Sirius asked, but he thought he knew. 

“Professor Dumbledore, he sent me ter…” He looked down at the tiny boy he held in his massive arms. Sirius nodded and stepped closer, looked down at his Godson. One blessing surrounded by curses. He wanted desperately to take the baby in his arms and run away. He would take him somewhere, anywhere, to keep him safe. But there were other things that needed to be taken care of, and they would be coming for him. Sirius. The Secret Keeper. Mouth drawn tight and eyebrows dangerously close to connecting permanently, he took one of Harry’s hands in his and held it to his cheek. “Forgive me,” he whispered, eyes brimming. “Please forgive me.” _Please forgive me for trusting him, for leaving you parentless, for leaving you Godfather-less. Please forgive me._

He stepped back, accepted his wand from Hagrid. “Take my motorbike,” he said. “It’s parked in the alley a few blocks down.” Hagrid nodded his great head, tears still leaking from his eyes, and turned to leave. “Be good to him, Hagrid. He’ll need you,” Sirius added just as the half-giant squeezed out of the room. The man looked back at him, understanding evident in his features. He likely didn’t know about the Fidelius Charm, but there was no mistaking the restrained fury and lust for revenge Sirius held. 

Once Hagrid had left, Sirius made his way back down the stairs, the bile rising higher and higher the closer he got to the dead body. He didn’t crawl this time, but he did fall to his knees and sob into his best friend’s chest. James Potter, Sirius’s first friend, then his best friend, then his brother in all ways but blood. Twin souls separated by birth, reconnected by magic. James was the better half, undoubtedly. More noble, honorable, good. An arrogant little shit who matured and became worthy of the girl he’d loved for years, married her and had a son. Sweet Lily, the light of his life, and Harry, his pride. James and Lily were gone, and that was on Sirius. He felt the weight of it on his shoulders, pressing him harder into his dead friend. “I’m so sorry, James,” he sobbed. So, so sorry. If only he had said yes when presented with the responsibility of keeping his friends’ secret. “I’ll get him, James, I swear it. I’ll get him.”

Sirius let himself cry only a few minutes more. Each moment that passed, the traitor got farther from his grip and the muggles were more likely to find him there. The house was starting to cave in on itself, broken by the dark magic expelled and the amount of power that must have kept Harry alive. When Sirius walked out, the roof and floors had sunken in, steps had cracked, walls had bowed. The house looked how he felt: bent and heavy under the weight of death and betrayal.

**Author's Note:**

> I've started re-reading the Harry Potter series (again), and only made it 14 pages in before having to stop and write a fic. It's my first one-shot ever, eek! Also, I cried while writing it... Good grief.


End file.
